Morals before money. Down capitalism. If the farmers can cut up their Ooshies then so can we. Scissors out folks we ride at dusk.
Just in case you missed it, last week, a farmer cut up his rare collectable Woolworths Lion King Ooshie live on Channel Nine’s Today Show.
Why did he do it? Because he put it up for sale for $5,000, in order to use it for desperately needed money, and all he got in response was a deluge of online abuse.
One week on, and we still haven’t learnt from the message farmer Stephen Black was trying to send, that drought-stricken farmers are in dire need of our help.
Since cutting the Ooshies on live television, the couple has melted down the Ooshies and sold them in support of Beyond Blue.
And so, here are 7 songs that you too can cut up your Woolworths collectable Ooshies to, because materialism is a trap, consumerism is evil and the world is ultimately ending.
1. Carly Rae Jepsen – ‘Cut to the Feeling’
This is self-explanatory really. Cut the Ooshies to the feeling of being set free from your capitalist prison. You’re finally free now to do as you please (within reason) in an Ooshie free Utopia.
2. Scissor Sisters – ‘Take Your Mama’
Get it? Scissor Sisters. Now take your mama and her Ooshies and cut them clean in half. Then donate to the farmers. Simple stuff really.
3. Jack Gray – ‘My Hands’
Apart from the fact that this is just a real good song, it also has a fitting title. My hands will be reaching for the nearest pair of scissors to slice up my prized Blue Mufasa Ooshie.
4. Leon Bridges – ‘Lions’
It’s surprising that Woolies have taken so quick to promoting Ooshies, especially after making such valiant efforts to reduce plastic wastage. But alas, cute Simba wins out.
5. King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard – ‘Real’s Not Real’
In their most recent album, Fishing for Fishies, King Giz tackled themes of waste and pollution, so what better way to cut up your Ooshie’s than to the mood-boosting ‘Real’s Not Real’?
6. Amy Winehouse – ‘Half Time’
‘Half Time’. From the album Lioness. Do you see where this is going? Time to cut your lioness Ooshies in half buddy.
7. Mary J. Blige – ‘No More Drama’
So tired… tired of all this Ooshie drama. Much like the farmers were trying to encourage, we need to remember our priorities in the world. Don’t be distracted by Golden Mufasa and his rare shining mane.
