“Who’s playing this year, besides us?”, Buzz Osborne asks of the upcoming 2013 Meredith Music Festival.
Well, The Brian Jonestown Massacre are playing.
“On the same stage?”, the Melvins founder and ringleader inquires.
Yep, there’s only one stage. Helmet will be there too.
“Oh okay. Helmet, us – who else?”
Nile Rodgers and Chic. A perfect fit with the Melvins.
“No shit!” he jokes, the first of many sentences to end with a sarcastic laugh.
The Melvins are an institution that turns 30 this year (as do their national tourmates, Helmet). It’s a good bet that if you play heavy music, you will cite them as a reference.
The Melvins’ longevity could result from the band’s unique take on sludge music, their aforementioned influence, or their distinct character and personalities.
For lack of a better explanation, they just don’t give a shit. They make the music they want and sometimes it finds an audience; other times it doesn’t.
Melvins drummer Dale Crover once observed that the man also known as King Buzzo has never had writer’s block. Was he speaking the truth?
“Yeah I think that’s true, so far. I’ve made a lot of records,” Osborne dryly comments. “I think it’s safe to say that we’ve made a ‘shitload’ of albums. Some songs are better than others. But generally speaking I don’t really have any trouble coming up with stuff.”
Osborne’s emphasis on ‘shitload’ offers something else about his character: he is short and sarcastic. He might hold a single note for 15 minutes on a record or stage, but he will find the quickest way to answer a question – ideally in seconds.
At the same time, he comes across as completely self-aware. Why the contradiction? And, while we’re asking these questions, why is their fantastically accomplished drummer playing bass on Tres Cabrones, their 21st studio record since 1987? See previous comments about not giving a shit.
“[It was] my idea. It’s the closest we can get to the Melvins 1983 line-up,” Osborne says of the 30th anniversary roster. “Dale’s played guitar for a long time, he’s actually played guitar longer than he’s played drums.
“He’s not unfamiliar with that so it was no big deal. I mean he’s actually played guitar on a lot of our records, some spots here and there. On the Houdini record it is either me or him playing bass.
“Regardless of what the credits might say, it’s mostly me and him,” he reveals through laughter. “Never believe anything you read about the Melvins.”
“Never believe anything you read about the Melvins.”One such article was written by Osborne himself. In a blog on Spin last year he shared his most unpleasant touring experience, with White Zombie in 1995, and the horror of dealing with dickheads and egos.
Did this experience inform the way the Melvins treat bands who tour with them, so as not to become someone else’s horror story? He doesn’t exactly answer.
“We toured with Rob Zombie and he’s popular with a certain type of audience that I really don’t know much about, who really have little or no tolerance for us.
“If people want to listen to that sort of thing and watch a guy dance around to half-baked horseshit that’s not even live, with a bunch of two-bit effects, if that’s what they think is good music who am I to say they’re idiots?” he ponders, laughing.
“Look, teenagers love it, I suppose. But see, I never liked teenagers, even when I was a teenager.
“When I was a teenager I didn’t get along with the teenagers then. The teenagers that I was around, they were listening to bands like Foreigner, Styx and REO Speedwagon, but far be it from me to say that they were stupid,” he opines, once again through laughter.
“I don’t know, a lot of people think it’s weird that we would have a problem with that. It’s like, look, I’m the one who has the personal relationship with Rob. I have my own experience with him. I know exactly what it was like. Why would I have something against him, I’m certainly not jealous? Why would I be jealous? I have my own career and music, I don’t need him. God forbid I should have to be Rob Zombie.”
The Melvins have toured Australia in one form or another (“another” being as part of Fantômas) countless times over the last two decades.
A notable occasion was their 2009 shows at Melbourne’s Ding Dong Lounge when they played their Houdini record in full. Wearing snuggies, on a 45-degree day, during the heatwave that preceded the Black Saturday bushfires.
“We were wearing muumuus,” Osborne corrects. But still, the point being … on a 45-degree day? “I’ll have a muumuu on when you see me [at Meredith]. I love them. The older I get the more I just want to look like an old woman. That seems reasonable to me.”
“The older I get the more I just want to look like an old woman. That seems reasonable to me.”The lack of ambiguity with which he answers questions runs contrary to the ideas he expresses as a songwriter, be it in his titles or the lyrics themselves.
“A couple of times I had people figure out what I was writing about, but not too often. By and large most people don’t give me any shit about it.
“The funny thing is people think [my lyrics] are nonsense, but nothing could be further from the truth”, he explains. “I had a guy once threaten me because he said I was writing songs about his girlfriend. I had never even met this woman. Isn’t that interesting?”
So they’re all about something and it’s up to the audience to decipher it?
“Essentially, but I don’t think people worry about what Captain Beefheart songs are about. One of my favourite sayings is ‘don’t look for meaning where there is none’.”
Don’t worry Buzz, we won’t.
The Melvins and Helmet Australian Tour 2013
FRIDAY 6TH DECEMBER- METROPOLIS – FREMANTLE*
WWW.OZTIX.COM.AU
SUNDAY 8TH DECEMBER –HI FI BRISBANE
www.thehifi.com.au
MONDAY 9TH DECEMBER –NORTHERN HOTEL- BYRON BAY
WWW.OZTIX.COM.AU
WEDNESDAY 11TH DECEMBER- CAMBRIDGE HOTEL- NEWCASTLE
www.bigtix.com.au
THURSDAY 12 TH DECEMBER- ANU BAR- CANBERRA
www.ticketek.com.au
SUNDAY 15TH DECEMBER – HI FI – SYDNEY
WWW.THEHIFI.COM.AU
MONDAY 16TH DECEMBER- THE GOV- ADELAIDE
WWW.MOSHTIX.COM.AU
TUESDAY 17TH DECEMBER –HI FI- MELBOURNE*
WWW.THEHIFI.COM.AU
WEDNESDAY 18TH DECEMBER- HI FI – MELBOURNE**
WWW.THEHIFI.COM.AU
WEDNESDAY 18TH DECEMBER – BRISBANE HOTEL- HOBART*
WWW.MOSHTIX.COM.AU
MELVINS ONLY * HELMET ONLY **
Also playing at:
FRIDAY 13TH DECEMBER – MEREDITH MUSIC FESTIVAL* SOLD OUT
SATURDAY 14TH DECEMBER – MEREDITH MUSIC FESTIVAL** SOLD OUT
