We love music festivals, you love music festivals, we all love a good music festival, and The Blurst of Times certainly qualifies, with a sick lineup of some of today’s best guitar bands.
But you don’t just rush head-first into the festival experience. You have to make sure you’re prepared and you know what you’re getting yourself into. There are certain dos and don’ts to adhere to.
In the interest of enlightening our dear readers, we decided to recruit the Blurst of Times lineup to be our music festival etiquette advisors. Here are their festival dos and don’ts…
BRYCE SCHNEIDER
Do: Whiskey in a flask.
Don’t: Get caught with said whiskey.
Do: Have a boogey.
Don’t: Be a dipshit.
YELLOWCATREDCAT
Don’t: Watch the bands through a lens
Do: Try and smuggle in a lizard.
Don’t: Worry about finding your mates – everyone is your mates now
Do: Make sure your human pyramid is the biggest
DUNE RATS
Do: Bring heaps of cigarettes
Don’t: Be a nuke
Do: Flair up.
Don’t: Listen to us.
THE LULU RAES
Do: Wear a fresh pair of comfy socks.
Don’t: If you’re seeing more than one of your favourite bands, don’t assume one spare change of underpants is enough.
Do: Crowdsurf.
Don’t: Commit adultery.
THESE GUY
Do: Go straight to the bar as soon as the headliner has finished their set. You will likely see a lot of other festival attendees doing the same thing. Proceed to ask bartender for a hefty list of obscure cocktails, and openly voice your frustration when they have no idea what you’re talking about. This always works for These Guy.
Don’t: Walk around with your food. Sit down and eat, ya grubs! Do you want to accidentally choke?
Do: Be kind and open to others, no matter how strange their vibe. When I saw Four Tet at Laneway, this guy in a business suit came up to me and was like, “Do you like this music?” I said, “yes.” He said, “Ok well I can’t get into it. Like, it’s alright, but it’s nothing like… *mimes fireworks*” I then explained why I like Four Tet with respect to the natural progression of his basically (at that point) flawless discography, and soon this classic 9-5 bald business guy was shaking my hand, telling me how much he liked me, and enjoying the total heck out of Four Tet. You just never know!=
Don’t: Bring $6000 in cash for spending. That is too big a wad! Before you know it you will have spent the majority at the Churros stand, mang.
THE GOON SAX
Don’t: Try to see every band, if a band is really great stay for all of their set and enjoy it. I have a bad habit of always wanting to do everything and see every band but in the end you have less fun
Do: Make sure you remember to drink water, sometimes when you are seeing lot’s of bands that can be easy to forget.
Don’t: Hurt other people with your dancing, be mindful of those around you.
Do: Make use of anything that’s free.
THE JOHN STEEL SINGERS
Don’t: Festivals are often generous with the rider they provide, it’s usually the first time a younger band will get anything near what they actually request. So be careful, especially if you’re playing later in the night. I’m pretty sure our tour manager kept our rider from us until at least 2 hours before we played. Bonus tip, go easy on the Coopers Sparkling.
Do: Festivals are often generous with the rider they provide, it’s usually the first time a younger band will get anything near what they actually request. So be careful to request as much as possible, especially if you’re playing later in the night cause you’ll have a better chance of getting it. At the end of the festival there will pretty much be melted ice and bottles of water left. Take all the water, trust me this will be invaluable in the tour bus/van tomorrow morning.
Don’t: Festival crowds can be fickle (or maybe your band is shit) so if you’re time slot is clashing with the it band of the moment and there’s not many people at your slot disregard Tip 1, get on it and have some fun.
Do: Always make sure you have a driver, otherwise everyone in the band will be too drunk to drive and your tour manager will have already taken acid and you have to get from Phillip Island to Melbourne and this definitely didn’t happen to us…
SIMI LACROIX
Do: Stay hydrated, I can’t stress this enough. Go to Myer and get yourself one of those non-disposable plastic water bottles and keep it in your bumbag. It’s good for Mother Earth and a great conversation starter – I have one which is this dark translucent blue colour, people think I’ve got magic blue devil hoochie juice in there and that’s the way I likes it.
Don’t: Don’t just mill around being cool taking pseudo-selfies with your good time buddies. Get involved, have a dance, be open to sussing unfamiliar acts and give some sweet sweet lovin’ to the musicians who are there to provide you with a beautiful experience to cherish and remember forever.
Do: Plan your day. Get with the program, set up a bloody Gmail account and download the Google calendar app so you can start planning your life. Then hit me up on Google+ so we can maybe Google stuff together or something.
Don’t: Get festive on an empty stomach. I recommend splashing a decent wad of cash on a gnarly festy feed to engage the senses, line the stomach and give you the strength to power through the night. Guzzle some calorific fare from a locally owned burger joint or that Vietnamese place near Happy High Herbs and gurn it out on the d-floor.
DEAFCULT
Do: Remember to bring earplugs for Deafcults set.
Don’t: Forget the Original Crispy from Lucky Egg is the best, so order it dummy
Do: Peak early and check us out at The Foundry at 6.30.
Don’t: Drop your cigs in the valley cause you’ll get a big fine and it’s bad for the environment. We know from experience.
ENDLESS HEIGHTS
Do: Eat and drink all the riders!!!
Don’t: Get caught stealing from Coheed and Cambria’s rider…
Do: Once the rider runs out, go hard with the punters. If there’s a camping area, venture out and think about that as round 2, but just a more freaky, backyard-style catering. A human circus of sorts.
Don’t: be shy. Festival-goers usually having the most fun.
POLISH CLUB
Do: See some bands before you get too shit faced.
Don’t: Dog the early bands.
Do: Get shit faced.
Don’t: wash yer hands at a port-a-loo.
Do: Eat a gozleme or some other over-priced shit.
Don’t: Eat any pills you find on the ground.
HOUND.
Do: Treat it like the beach. Wear suncreen, stay hydrated and watch out for massive waves. They’ll knock you the fuck out.
Don’t: Be a cunt. If you need the specifics detailed for you, then tread lightly, you might be a cunt.
Do: Memorise that time table, cos those things will try every trick in the book to destroy themselves or disappear, and lord knows how pissed you’ll be by time you feel you need it.
Don’t:Throw stuff and/or abuse at the bands. Just fuck off mate. This is not some comedy show where your effortless genius expressed as heckling easily upstages the person on stage and the spotlight is then shifted to you so you can conclude the remaining portion of the event cos you’ve just proven you’re the only real ‘entertainer’ in the room. It’s not like that, though I’m sure it happens to you all the fucking time.
WAAX
Do: Find a recovery spot; if at all possible somewhere air-conditioned, but at least in the shade where you can sit down for a bit! If you find a band or important person become their best friend and give them lots of nice compliments until they bring you to the artists area which is sometimes air-conditioned and much nicer.
Don’t : Go hard too fast. If you’re anything like us then you get a bit too excited and maybe do a few too many fun things early on in the day, you gotsta’ pace yo’self! You’re fav bands might be playing later and therefore you’ll want to be peak, erm… ‘Enjoy yourself’ at the right time.
Do: Plan ahead, how many times have you been to a festival and not known about some insane artist that you actually loved the single of but just hadn’t heard of them yet!? Listen to all the acts BEFORE you go so you know what you’re missing with inevitable clashes
Don’t: Give up because you’re tired, it’s like going to the gym; when you’re real tired and sore and coming down you might think “Oh these dudes will tour again soon and I’ll go then” for that last band, but stick it out! Chances are you’ll get a second wind and end up having a much better time.
TWIN HAUS
Do: If you see Jesse, hug him. He’ll be waiting.
Don’t: Be a hero, this time only one grenade per person.
Do: I’d say a ‘do’ would be catching us at The Brightside Carpark, huh?
Don’t: Miss Methyl Ethyl or ya blew it.
BAD//DREEMS
Do: Invest in those sunnies straps.
Don’t: Forget to Pack Rubber Gloves/thimbles
Do: Hydrate to avoid Micturition Syncope.
Don’t: Have a southern cross tatt.
Do: Consider Lycra briefs to ward off that ugly chafe.
Don’t: WAIIIIIIT
Do: Take one of those square-leg umpire leaning poles.
Don’t: Forget spare shirts for those fellas that ‘lose’ them
Do: Put GPS tracker on you jaw to locate it at the end of the night.
Don’t: Overuse terms such as ‘yiew’, ‘frothing’ or ‘sick cunt’
Do: Retain late night currencies e.g durries, red frogs, powerade, gum, dingers.
THE BLURST OF TIMES 2016
Dune Rats
BAD//DREEMS
Methyl Ethel
Kirin J Callinan
The Murlocs
The John Steel Singers
WAAX
Moses Gunn Collective
Polish Club
The Goon Sax
Crepes
The Lulu Raes
Endless Heights
Twin Haus
Hound
Bryce Schneider
Australia
Deafcult
Simi Lacroix
Heads Of Charm
Yellowcatredcat
Woodboot
Ciggy Pop
These Guy
Saturday April 16, 2016
The Brightside | The Zoo | The Foundry
Tickets: Oztix
