Every week there’s a bunch of music-related stories, links, videos and other internet goodies that are a little on the trashy side, but for whatever reason get everyone in the office talking.
This is what the Tone Deaf Trash Can is all about: it’s our avenue for sharing the funniest, weirdest and downright tackiest music stories of the week to help you keep up to date with the best (and worst) things happening in pop culture. Don’t feel guilty – you’re allowed to enjoy it.
Taylor Swift’s High School Photo Is As Awkward As Yours
Everyone goes through an awkward phase. You know, that dark suppressed period of your life when you thought three-quarter cargo shorts and Etnies were a strong look, when you posed with a peace sign in every single photo for no particular reason, and when your side fringe was modelled to match your favourite emo band’s lead singer (mine was AFI’s Davey Havok, FYI). It’s an embarrassing rite of passage, but one that should be embraced. Surviving through the Awkward Phase™ only makes us stronger, better people.
So when Taylor Swift’s high school photo emerged on the internet this week in its full white girl cornrows horror/beauty, at first I was kind of like,
But then I remembered what I looked like and was like,
Just look at it. It’s basically radiating awkwardness. Congrats, T-Swift, for being just like the rest of us:
Orlando Bloom Took A Swing At Justin Bieber, Missed, Had One Job
This week two people who you wouldn’t expect to appear in the same sentence Orlando Bloom and Justin Bieber became pretty solid contenders for the Weirdest Beef Of 2k14 Award, entering the highly-contested category with a heated scuffle in the early hours of the morning outside a restaurant in Ibiza. Yeah, you can basically hear the TMZ *dun dun* from here.
As retold by sources at the scene, the brawl began when Bieber walked past Bloom and greeted his senior with the unsurprisingly aggravating greeting, “What’s up bitch?”
Proving that you can’t just fuck with Legolas of the Woodland Realm and expect to get away with it, tensions escalated quickly when Bloom acted on behalf of most of the population and confronted the Biebs, but proceeded immediately to let us all down when the punch he allegedly threw missed its bratty, smug-faced target.
TMZ have released footage showing the pair arguing following their little tiff, which if you can even be bothered enough to care, is rumoured to be a result of Bieber apparently going on a date with Bloom’s ex-wife Miranda Kerr back in 2012 while they were still married.
But it didn’t end there. Bieber, being Biebs and all, eventually got the last laugh by taking the fight from the sidewalk to Instagram, momentarily posting and deleting a photo of Miranda Kerr and this one of Bloom, below, but not before they each racked up more than 100,000 likes.
Nicki Minaj’s New Cover Art Broke The Entire Internet
If you’ve experienced any problems with your ISP of late, it’s probably because the internet is still trying to rebuild from the aftermath of Nicki Minaj dropping the artwork for her new single ‘Anaconda’ online this week – shaking the entire web with the strength of a thousand twerkers.
The rather minimalist sleeve shows the rapper showing off some of her best a$$ets against a plain white background, perfect for… well, let’s just say it didn’t take long for the ever-opportunistic photoshop-equipped people of the ‘net to take that blank canvas and transform it into your new favourite meme.
Some of the results are so spectacular that Minaj has been sharing them on her Instagram, seeming part-exasperated, part-bemused but undoubtedly quite chuffed with all the free publicity.
There’s been Nicki MiMarge,
A very cheeky Lion King tribute,
And finally, all hail the Statue Of Nicki.
You know what they say: if you’ve got it…
Robin Thicke’s New Rom-Com Will Make You Thicke To Your Stomach
Fresh from getting divorced by Paula Patton and seeing his new album that’s entirely dedicated to winning back his ex-wife bellyflop in the most spectacular fashion, selling less than 50 copies in Australia (*allegedly*), Trash Can’s once immortal but now slowly-dying cockroach Robin Thicke has reappeared from the pile of rubbish where he now resides to once again send shivers down our spines with his presence.
Because his whole singing thing is clearly going really great right now, Thicke is now attempting to perform CPR on his lifeless career by starring of his very first straight-to-DVD movie, Making The Rules.
The flick is a low-budget indie rom-com where Thicke plays the role of an obsessive ex-boyfriend who tries to steal back his married ex-girlfriend, which means he’s basically playing himself. We’re not even making this up.
Luckily some stranger took the bullet for the rest of us and has suffered through the whole film to compile this highlight reel of Thicke’s acting, which is really great because no-one in their right mind would give their precious cash and/or bandwidth to support this filth. Hate-watch it below.
Robin Thicke’s CRINGE acting by EntNewsShowbiz
Always relevant, never old.
DMX Loses His Absolute Shit On A Slingshot Ride
On the outside, rappers might seem tougher than the average Joe, but strap them into a vertical amusement ride powered by a patented spring propulsion device that propels passengers at speeds of up to 100km/h and soon they’ll be looking like the rest of us. You know, something like this:
This week DMX became living proof of that theory. When the rapper took a ride of the Magical Midway Sling Shot in Orlando, Florida, he probably knew what kind of experience he was in for, but what he probably didn’t anticipate was one of the thrifty workers uploading the footage on the internet for everyone to point and laugh at. You can do that below.
That’s how Ruff Ryders roll, right?
