We could write an entire list just of bad KISS merchandise. Seriously, Gene Simmons is the biggest marketing whore music has ever seen. But we’ve refrained and only included a few of the better examples from the band, interspersed with some other truly bizarre, shocking, and just downright bad band merchandise. Enjoy.
Tenacious D’s Cum Rag
From the band that brought us their own branded condom we suppose it makes sense to compliment it for when you’re having some alone time with the official Tenacious D cum rag. Hey, it’s got a unicorn on it to make you feel better when you’re all spent. How nice.
WAVVES Grinder
Smoke Pot. Form Band. Sing Songs. Smoke Pot. Make Grinder. Smoke Pot… We think you get the idea.
Rammstein’s Flambé Burner
The press release for this beauty reads: “Our Burner to Flambé can be used to caramelize a Créme Bruelée, melt cheese and much more!”
KISS’s Kasket
Yep, that’s really how they spell it. And who cooler to adorn your vessel to the afterlife than a bunch of grown men in makeup? Rock on!
Justin Bieber’s Shower Curtain
If you can’t actually get Justin himself into the shower you’ll have to settle for the next best thing – a stoic Bieber silhouette staring at your naked body while you wash. Heaven.
Ween’s Colouring Book
This may be a colouring book but please don’t let this one near any kids. We mean it.
Weezer’s Wuggie
So what’s the difference between a Snuggie and a Wuggie? Weezer.
U2’s Lego Set
As if releasing an iPod with the band members signatures wasn’t enough, now your kids can play rock star and preach about starving kids in africa while they avoid paying taxes in Legoland.
Rammstein’s Sex Box
This box set is brilliant. What else does a girl (or guy) need? Dildo’s modelled on each members member? Check. Handcuffs? Check. Lube? Check. We’re going to need a few hours whilst we take this thing for a spin.
Dave Mustaine’s Coffee
Nothing says heavy metal like a nice home brew of South America’s finest.
KISS Krunch
From the band that slapped their logo on everything comes a children’s cereal. We’re not sure we’d let our kids anywhere near this though.
Misfits’s Slippers
These deluxe slippers are the perfect companion for when you’re sitting at home watching telly on a Saturday night, but still want relieve your younger punk rock days.
Sex Pistol’s Perfume
Who on earth thought it would be a good idea to smell like Johnny Rotten?
Motorhead
We’re not sure Lemmy’s ever been to the beach, but with the Official Motorhead Beach Ball you can take a part of him with you.
KISS’s Rubber Ducky
We couldn’t resist adding just one more ridiculous KISS item to this list. We’d rather invite the killer from Psycho into our bathroom than this thing.
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