Melbourne punks Clowns are just one of those bands that just seem to offer endless entertainment, be it their recent Photoshop contest, or dumping weed at a European border while on tour.
Speaking of fun in Europe, the band have returned from a massive tour of the continent that saw them play with the likes of NOFX, Leftover Crack and Adolescents, and ply their trade on punk festival stages in a fistful of countries.
Now back in Oz and about to embark on a national tour in support of new single ‘Destroy The Evidence’ (dates below), they’ve done the opposite and instead sent the evidence to us, giving us a peek into just what goes down between sets on a massive punk rock Eurotrip.
A Punk Rock Tour Through Europe With Clowns
The Worst Possible Start
We arrived in Munich for our first night in Europe after an extremely delayed flight, which resulted in an overnight stay in Abu Dhabi. We were tired and cranky, a whole bunch of our gear was lost, Jake had food poisoning, and there was a terrorist attack very close from where we were staying.
But Napalm Death were doing a free show around the corner from our hotel the night we arrived, so everything was briefly forgotten about and jetlag was immediately combated with fierce alcohol consumption.
Heading To Prison
First show of the tour and first of seven dates with The Adolescents in Lucerne, Switzerland. Europeans have a great attitude to preserving old buildings and reusing spaces instead of just knocking them down like they do here in Australia.
This venue in the middle of the Swiss countryside, next to a lake and surrounded by cows with giant bells around their necks, used to be a women’s prison. The stage and band room area was the once the common hall and dining area, the backstage room was the security officers quarters, and all the old cells are now used as practice spaces for bands.
The Vegan Abbatoir
This was the venue we played in Karlsruhe called “Alte Hackerei”, which translates to “The Old Hackery”. It’s an old slaughterhouse which is now a punk bar and vegan restaurant. It was one of three retired abattoirs we played on this tour.
Getting Some Culture In
Non-music-related cultural activities usually revolved around eating pretzels and learning about hectic Nazi history.
Just Putting It Right Out There
Europeans are very open about sexuality. This was a common sight at every servo we stopped at.
Punk Runs In The Family
Going to see a punk show is a totally normal Sunday family outing in Germany – that’s not an exaggeration either.
You Call that A Flower?
These bloody things are everywhere you look driving on the autobahn but, while they do boast an enormous quantity, I still think I’ve seen bigger ones growing out of peoples front yards in the backstreets of Mentone.
Learning From Legends
We were lucky enough to do a few shows with the legendary T.S.O.L in Europe, and not only was it cool enough to be able to see them play, but I was blown away with how cool they all were. Jack Grisham, their singer, definitely saw an opportunity to, I guess in a way, take us under his wing and chat to us for hours backstage about all sorts of nonsense.
Everything from old punk tales of beating up fascist psychos at shows in the early ’80s, legitimate assassination attempts he’s managed to survive, sexual escapades, dealing with playing in a touring band that was on an FBI wanted list… and how we have to come visit when we are in California next because he has an exquisite collection of different tea we need to come drink. Go pick up a copy of his memoirs An American Demon, it is absolutely enthralling.
Punk’s Sweetheart
Tony from The Adolescents: Punk rock icon, songwriting extraordinaire, massive sweet heart, and chronic Facebook live broadcaster.
The World’s Strongest Vagina
Was were very lucky to have our old friend Sabine, known by her stage name Princess Tweedle Needle, join us onstage in front of a sold-out crowd in Berlin. Sabine is a side show performer and freakshow nutcase.
If you YouTube her you’ll find videos of her hanging from hooks stuck in her back, putting needles through her face and, most impressively, showing off her world’s strongest (stat checked) vagina – which can lift two bowling balls off the ground from its labia piercings – and probably other fucked up shit. Here she is eating fire on stage with us. Not pictured is how drunk she got us all after the show.
Europe Puts On A Spread
The riders in Europe never disappoint, nor do the lovely crowds and lovely people of The Sonic Ballroom in Cologne, which is fast becoming our home away from home venue in Europe.
Cosy Surrounds
Always a comfy sleeping arrangement, wherever we went.
Stone-‘enge
Got to see Stonehenge – it was definitely bigger than 18″ by 18″, and was in no way of any danger of being crushed by a dwarf.
Back In Time
We regularly get billed with lots of old school punk bands from the ’80s and ’90s doing nostalgia shows, and this was about as intense as that got. This was a fun and weird night. Our first London show, WHAT YEAR IS THIS!?
Came Prepared
Special mention to JFA who rocked up at our London with nothing except for their guitars, a box of t-shirts, a broken keyboard they didn’t use, and four skateboards. “Hey dudes, how’s the tour, what have you guys been up to?”, we asked, only to hear “It’s out first time touring outside of America, so we’ve just been skating… can we borrow your amps?”
Feeling Underdressed
Playing Rebellion Festival in Blackpool, England on their 40th anniversary – an honour and a privilege. We also felt very underdressed being four long-haired slacker Australians in just boring old jeans and t-shirts.
Just A Dedicated Fan
This lady waited for us outside the venue in Hannover when we arrived for load in to sign her autograph book. She wasn’t overly chatty, but she seemed stoked.
Ripping A Bass Solo With Fat Mike
Last show of the tour we played with NOFX and Leftover Crack. Was cool. Eric Melvin taught me the best method for mastering the perfect ‘punk jump’, Alec from Leftover crack tried to drunkenly piss on us backstage and Fat Mike threw his bass at me side of stage after their set. I took the opportunity to walk onstage and rip a bass solo in front of the thousand or so people there whilst Melvin played the accordion and Smelly did a drum solo. It was pretty stupid…
CLOWNS NATIONAL TOUR DATES
Friday, 14th October 2016
Crowbar, Brisbane QLD
Saturday, 15th October 2016
Blackwire Records, Sydney NSW
Friday, 21st October 2016
The Evelyn, Melbourne VIC
