Life on tour for a band often sounds really glamorous, but it’s the time in between tours that can get pretty rough, at least as far as Guantanamo Baywatch are concerned.
The Portland surf/sludge-rock outfit are about to head to our shores for a national tour this Friday (dates below), which will give them a nice break from the daily grind. For some of them, that daily grind isn’t so bad right now, while for others it’s about as close to hell as you can actually get.
From penthouse puppies to top secret security clearance, the guys have given us a rundown of the best and absolutely worst jobs they’ve had to work to make ends meet when they’re not on the road.
Chris
Worst Job: Donut Robbery
I worked at a donut shop for two or three months in between tours and I would work the entire day by myself. The donuts where made at a different shop and would come to me already made, so I literally had nothing to do but listen to Miley Cyrus and watch people pass by the shop.
This one time a seemingly nice dude came into the shop just before closing time which was 9pm and he wanted to get a couple donuts for his girlfriend. I thought that was nice so I gave him a box of free donuts. By this time the store was closed and he had asked me if he could just hang out until his girlfriend showed up to give him a ride.
This is when he started to act funny and was pacing around the shop. I turned my head away from him for less than five seconds and I hear the sound of change fall on the floor, he had taken the entire tip jar and run out the door with it leaving some loose change behind. To this day I am convinced that he was going to rob me but last minute just decided to take all my tips from the day.
Best Job: Penthouse Puppies
My best job was house sitting and walking dogs all day. Sometimes I got to go to the penthouse suite on the 17th floor of this crazy apartment building to hang out with this cute puppy. It was NUTS! They even had a dog park inside the building!
All the people that lived there were really nice to me because they thought that I lived in the same fancy-ass apartment building as they did. The guy at the front desk would try and be “cool” with me by saying “DUDE” a lot when he spoke to me, but I could tell he had never said the word dude before in his life.
Jordan
Worst Job: Top Secret
For what sounds like it’d be a pretty tight job, it was actually a terrible soul-sucking fucking nightmare of fluorescent lights, computer isolation, and middle aged bald men co-workers with hormone disorders and khaki pant wedgies.
But I did get top secret security clearance with the US government for that job, which I really wish I had taken more advantage of. Coulda been like Snowden 2.0.
Best Job: Burger Tasting
Best job wasn’t really a job, but I got paid $50 to taste test for a fast food burger restaurant called Red Robin and it was FUCKING DELICIOUS.
Chevelle
Worst Job: Van Scams
About five years ago I worked for a HORRIBLE Facebook spam company as the graphic designer, making shitty Facebook ads and weird “wall prizes” and “games” trying to trick people into “liking” stuff they don’t care about.
I’d tell my boss I broke my leg and had to stay home, and then go on tour while taking huge conference calls from the van (ugh) and working on the stupid games and ads wasted after shows. My boss would offer me HUGE raises to fire my friends, and try and pit us all against each other. But maybe it was an amazing job, cause I padded my hours like crazy, managed to work from the road, and learned how horrible the Internet is.
Best Job: Portland Pizza
My BEST job is the one I have now working at a pizza spot in Portland – I’m writing this now on my break in the kitchen, actually. They let me take off time for tour (no more lying!), have the best pizza, and everyone is awesome who works here. I get to drive delivery sometimes and creep into people’s fancy apartments and parties. It’s great.
Jason
Worst Job: Concrete Cowboy
Pouring concrete in the summer in Phoenix, Arizona – this is the job I have been doing for the last few years and literally what I just got home from doing. It’s seriously one of the shittiest, most physically demanding, body/soul-destroying jobs.
Imagine getting up at 4am, picking and shovelling, lifting giant broken pieces of driveway, crawling around on your hands and knees in filth… and it’s 105 degrees outside. And you are surrounded by rednecks constantly. Upside: you get to wear a cowboy hat every day.
Best Job…
My best job was getting a blow job.
Guantanamo Baywatch Tour Dates
Fri. Sept 23 | Brisbane | The Foundry Brisbane
Sat. Sept 24 | Byron Bay | The Great Northern Hotel
Sun. Sept 25 | Sydney | Sounds Of The Suburbs (Day)
Sun. Sept 25 | Sydney | Frankie’s Pizza By The Slice (Night)
Mon. Sept 26 | Wollongong | Rad
Thu. Sept 29 | Ballarat | The Eastern
Fri. Sept 30 | Melbourne | Yah Yah’s
Sat. Oct 1 | Newstead | Chopped Festival – Newstead
Sun. Oct 2 | Castlemaine | The Bridge Hotel
