This December Melbourne legends Deathproof PR are throwing a Christmas party, featuring a pretty huge local line up including the genre banding Ecca Vandal, wild punks Clowns, Collingwood’s favourite children High Tension, pub rockers Peep Tempel and Auisie rock covers band Tnnl Cnts.

These days it seems like pre-Christmas prep happens in October (well maybe August for most supermarkets) so now ahead of the impending silly season High Tension have given us a guide to surviving the infamous office Christmas party.

Anything Goes

“This is the ONE day of the year where there are no rules and every drink is paid for. So the first tip I have is to drink anything that comes your way. Christmas Parties are like those metal blinker thingies they use in Men in Black to wipe memories.

No one remembers what happened the next day and if they do, they’re able to place it into context. ‘Oh man, remember when you ran over that crippled orphan with your car!? Crazy Christmas party hey!’. So let your inhibitions go! Who cares if it’s your work colleagues! Just drink ’til they’re interesting.”

Hook Up Strategically

“It’s clinically proven that hooking up at Christmas parties furthers your career. But the secret here isn’t just to pump your sauce into any random person. Think strategically.

Your boss is definitely out of the question but think – who wields the most power? The CEO’s assistant! Or the receptionist! They’re the real ones who can put you in touch with the office secrets as well as the big boys at the top. Just make sure you put a dingy on your thingy, OK? Babies are, like, so ’90s.”

Keep It Out Of The Office

“The WORST Christmas parties that I’ve been to are the ones that happen in the office. Which communist moron thinks that that is OK!? Probably Julie in Finance to keep costs down. Fuck her.

If you want the party to keep going, get everyone the hell out of the office and get them to another location. Pub, bar, house – who cares! Unless you want to use the photocopier to bang someone on, which actually happened to a Christmas party at one of my previous jobs.”

Document EVERYTHING

“This kind of counters my previous point about not remembering anything at Christmas parties but this can definitely work in your favour. Make sure you snap everything that’s happening. You never know when you’ll need to blackmail your boss. I once had a colleague who live tweeted the office christmas party and it made the national news. He now runs an entire social media department.”

If You Have To Work The Next Day…

“If work makes you come back into work the next day, just don’t do it. That job isn’t worth having anyway”.

A Very Deathproof Christmas Details

Friday December 5th | John Curtin Hotel

Line up
Ecca Vandal
Clowns
High Tension
The Peep Tempel
Tnnl Cnts
Tickets and info here