WARNING: This review is not suitable for children, mothers, the faint-hearted, the light-headed, and anybody who went and saw Ted and deemed it untasteful and inappropriate.
It’s hard to determine who the Steel Panther fan is; walking into Thebarton Theatre introduces an abyss of goths, cougars, stoners, middle-aged men and horny teenage girls. The venue gives off a Soundwave-esque crowd vibe, but given the band, everyone seems much happier. Punters gathered in anxiousness and excitement around the bar and stage, ready for the self-proclaimed gods of metal.
As the lights dimmed for openers, The Art, it became all too real that the night was beginning and that Panther were near-moments away.
A promising intro of hard-rock styled guitar rhythms got the crowd excited for what was to come. With songs like “Weirdo Superhero”, The Art gave off a Marilyn Manson-meets-The Runaways vibe, presenting themselves as one to look out for in the up-and-coming rock scene.
As The Art exited the stage, more and more fans packed into the tiny theatre. Expectations were high, with demands for “Steel Panther! Steel Panther! ” Fans weren’t only expecting a live show – they were expecting a full on party.
The room turned to black as girls screamed at the stage. Smoke machines flared up and lights flashed to the background of “In The Future” – the obscenities begin in an instant as Panther declare they are bringing fans into the year 6969; before the ever-so-cocky Michael Starr graced the stage, closely followed by Lexxi Foxxx, Stix Zandinia and a bevy of screams for Satchel.
Decked out in the expected guyliner and spandex that would put LMFAO to shame, the expectations only grew as they opened with the doublet of “Supersonic Sex Machine” and “Fat Girl (Thar She Blows)”.
The crowd were drawn in, cheering in awe. Panther’s idolism of ‘sex gods’ was fondly expressed in their performance of “Just Like Tiger Woods”, drawing themselves in the same ranks with “Tomorrow Night”.
Lead guitarist Satchel proved his appeal with a medley-inspired guitar solo, featuring the likes of Deep Purple’s “Smoke On The Water”, Black Sabbath’s “Iron Man”, and “Do Re Mi” from The Sound Of Music, among others – allowing Satchel to prove more than his outrageous personality and uber sex appeal – he actually has a lot more talent than he shows!
With the return of the other members, the collective proved once and for all that women wanted them and men wanted to be them, inviting a horde of girls on stage for “Turn Out The Lights”, showing their power as some flaunted their goodies for the boys.
A true highlight was Panther’s return to their origins of a cover band with their “unplanned” rendition of Van Halen’s “Hot For Teacher”, featuring a “random” member of the crowd perfectly replacing Stix on drums.
As the night carried on, Adelaide was blessed with the filth that came with “It Won’t Suck Itself”, “Girl From Oklahoma” and “Party All Night”. Panther bid their fans farewell by declaring “Death To All But Metal”.
…but then again, since when were Steel Panther able to leave a stage gracefully?
Panther once more serenaded audiences with “Community Property” and rocked out with “Eyes Of A Panther”, finishing by inviting seventeen girls backstage with a closer of “17 Girls In A Row”. Of course, there were well more than seventeen willing to run backstage to surrender to them.
Overall, the Steel Panther experience was nothing if not educational; thanks to the sexiest men in metal, Adelaide is now aware of how such valuable information as how to give a Dirty Sanchez and an Abraham Lincoln.
Given that Panther would like to visit their Australian fans again, the city of churches would undoubtedly welcome them back again with open arms… and open legs.
