The line outside Melbourne’s Forum theatre snaked around the block hours before doors were set to open. Cameras were restricted and tickets were exclusive to fan club members and entertainment industry notables.

There were even names printed on each ticket to ensure they couldn’t be scalped. The show: a once-in-a-lifetime performance by pop legend Madonna, who was set to take the Forum stage to… well, that was anyone’s guess.

Reports initially indicated the singer would be performing stand-up comedy, but according to one source, the stand-up aspect of the show basically boiled down to the occasional street joke told between songs.

Fans were left waiting four hours before the legend appeared. “She came out at about 1am riding a tricycle and dressed in a clown outfit. She tried to wear clown shoes, but she said they were too clumsy to wear,” one attendee told Tone Deaf.

“She thanked all of her fans for their support and then explained that this would not be a normal show. She’d tell a story, like about her relationship with Sean Penn or something, and then play a song and occasionally tell a joke.”

“Like, one joke she told was: what’s six inches long, two inches wide and drives women wild? A $100 bill. At one point she started talking about Richard Ramirez, the serial killer, and how he had more groupies than she did.”

However, the show had its emotional moments as well. In particular, the singer’s despair over her estranged son Rocco, over whom Madonna and former husband Guy Ritchie are currently fighting for custody, to whom she dedicated a song as a projection of him appeared behind her.

“She did a cover of Elliott Smith. There was a lot of stopping and starting and she’d apologise and explain that this was kind of a rehearsal, but the band was tight and her vocals were on-point. She nailed each vocal.”

But there were plenty of bizarre moments for the super-fans gathered in the iconic Flinders Street venue to lap up. “She gave one fan a bag of peanuts, because it was meant to be like a circus, and he was supposed to distribute the peanuts,” our source told us.

“But he didn’t do a very good job, so Madonna went over and grabbed the peanuts, sort of in mock frustration, and started throwing the peanuts at the audience. The crowd was loving it though.”

Among those in attendance were radio host Fifi Box, UK comedy legend Dawn French, Australian comedy veteran Magda Szubanski, and TV presenter Em Rusciano.

The setlist opened with a rendition of ‘Send In The Clowns’ and included performances of ‘Substitute For Love’, Elliott Smith’s ‘Between The Bars’, ‘Joan of Arc’, ‘Don’t Tell Me’, ‘Take a Bow’, and closed with an acoustic version of ‘Holiday’.

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