Every week there’s a bunch of music-related stories, links, videos and other internet goodies that are a little on the trashy side, but for whatever reason get everyone in the office talking.
This is what the Tone Deaf Trash Can is all about: it’s our avenue for sharing the funniest, weirdest and downright tackiest music stories of the week to help you keep up to date with the best (and worst) things happening in pop culture. Don’t feel guilty – you’re allowed to enjoy it.
Michael Cera Quietly Released A Very Michael Cera-Esque Album
Awkward actor who was typecast as the awkward teenage archetype so many times that he can no longer distinguish between awkward fiction and awkward reality, aka Michael Cera, maybe isn’t as singularly-skilled as his critics like to think.
Not only does he awkwardly play guitar in Juno and Scott Pilgrim, but Cera has some IRL music credentials too: Cera is a member of Sub Pop-signed indie band Mister Heavenly, and he also provided vocals on Weezer’s album Hurley back in 2010.
Now the 26-year-old has just awkwardly released his first solo album true that, an 18-track collection of lo-fi bedroom recordings that are basically the musical embodiment of Cera’s onscreen presence. With awkward song titles like ‘Kettle’, ‘Sexy Danger’ and ‘What Gives (… I Can’t Live Like This)’, it’s filled with barely-there folk instrumentals, left-field samples, hazy synths, and Cera’s characteristically quiet vocals.
Seeing as Cera hasn’t even promoted his indie release, people really only caught wind of its existence thanks to a plug from his buddie Jonah Hill, who tweeted, “My great friend Michael Cera not only is a brilliant actor, he also makes great music,” along with a link to Cera’s BandCamp.
Iggy Azalea’s Embarrassing Pop Past Comes Back To Haunt Her, Your Eyes, & Your Ears
“First thing’s first I’m the realest,” raps Iggy Azalea in the opening line of her world-conquering breakout smash, ‘Fancy’. However, a newly-resurfaced video of Iggy’s pre-major label reincarnation might suggest otherwise.
The track in question is an old demo called ‘Nothing Like Me’, which is tragically fitting because it’s nothing like the US Chart-dominating Iggy we all know today. The song reveals that before she became a rapper, I-G-G-Y might’ve been on her way to becoming a Britney Spears-esque pop star. Only, she sucked. Really bad. Warning: this is really fucking bad.
The most glaringly obvious thing about this train wreck – apart from the video’s overdone iMovie solar flare effects – is the mysterious absence of Iggy’s oft-debated Southern drawl rapping. Instead, here she is just straight-up singing through a thick sludge of Auto Tune. Suddenly, it becomes pretty obvious why Charli XCX was brought in to sing the chorus on ‘Fancy’.
But as easy as it is, you can’t be too harsh on Azalea. Tonnes of artists have embarrassing relics from their past they’d rather forget, and when a fresh-faced 16-year-old from Mullumbimby moves to Miami to pursue a career, they’re probably going to go down a couple paths they’ll wish they hadn’t.
It’s definitely a blow to her credibility, but admittedly a pretty big testament to her grind: to go from that to number one is pretty miraculous.
Clearly.
A Day In The Life Of Drake Involves Accidentally Getting Your Favourite Basketball Team Fined $25,000
Poor Drake. The most emotional player in the rap game just can’t catch a break. This week our sad mate Aubrey Graham learned the hard way that unlike the rap game, the basketball game has heaps of rules and restrictions and stuff – and they’re super strict about them.
At the recent OVO Festival, Drake, who was appointed last year as the global ambassador of NBA’s Toronto Raptors, decided to close his set by throwing a pitch, or should I say shooting a hoop (sorry not sorry), to league MVP Kevin Durant.
Durant is a free agent next year and is obviously v. hot property, so Drake thought he’d give the basketballer a cheeky little wink wink, nudge nudge. “Before we leave, I just want to show one of my brothers something,” said a smiling Drake to thousands of screaming fans. “You know, my brother Kevin Durant was kind enough to come to the show tonight and watch us. I just want him to see what would happen if he came to play in Toronto. Let him know what would happen.”
Innocent enough, right? Nah mate – you’re wrong. Pulling that kind of shit isn’t okay according to the NBA, who straight away slapped the Raptors with a $25,000 fine for a violation of its “anti-tampering” rules.
The NBA later offered to drop the fine if the Raptors agreed to strip Drake of his ambassador title, but the Raptors have reportedly declined. Drake is probably relieved, but also probably very shaken and upset.
#PrayForDrake
Neverland Maids Claim Michael Jackson Used To Throw “Doo-Doo Snowballs” At Them
When Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch reportedly went on the market earlier this month, most people probably thought for a second how amazing it would be to call that place home. But then those visions kind of fall apart when you remember how run down and creepy it looks now, and if that wasn’t enough, apparently it was always really fucking filthy.
Five of Jackson’s Neverland maids have given anonymous inside accounts to the New York Post about their time working for the King of Pop in his personal palace, and they’ve made it sound really shit. Literally.
“I’m telling you, he was the dirtiest, most unsanitary person in Hollywood,” said one domestic servant.
“Michael sometimes ran around where the animals were, and he’d track… poop throughout the house and think nothing of it,” another housekeeper said, as if knowing her quote would make it to the Trash Can. “Then, if you said something, he’d threaten to make doo-doo snowballs and throw it at you.”
Let that sentence sink in.
Yeah nah, no thanks.
North West Models In Her Own Fashion Spread, Puts Your Baby Photos To Shame
In case you weren’t already feeling a bit inadequate today, once again yet another celebrity baby who still counts their age in months and can’t even talk yet has gone and done something that eclipses most of your lifetime achievements. Me, bitter? Never. My eye isn’t twitching. Let’s move on.
North West, the 13-month old speechless spawn of Kanye West and Kim Kardashian, is now the star of her very own solo #fashun shoot, because apparently starring in the pages of Vogue alongside her parents wasn’t a bright enough spotlight for this overachieving tiny person.
Baby West has been named a style icon and literally “the future” in the latest issue of influential French fashion editor Carine Roitfeld’s magazine, CR Fashion Book, where you can find her casually sitting (because, reminder, can’t even walk and/or talk) in head-to-toe Chanel.
Yes: you read right. Nappy-wearing North, who once again can’t even move from point A to point B by herself or vocalise her opinion about her mum’s selfie book, is “the future”.
This is not a future I want to be part of. I’m done. Look at the photo for yourselves below and soak your disgusting baby photos in a bath of your own tears, you failure.
