Slipknot’s Clown has opened up about the tragic death of his daughter Gabrielle at the age of 22 in a new interview.
During an appearance on Mosh Talks (via Ultimate Guitar), Michael Shawn ‘Clown’ Crahan spoke about how Gabrielle’s 2019 death affected him, as well as the “hate and anger” that came from social media.
He began: “As you know, I’ve had a loss in my family, and when you have a loss like that, you can’t imagine the steps backward you take, and the words that come to mind that you have to take notice of and then take stock to.”
“And there’s not a single thing anybody in the world is going to say that’s going to change it. Period. End of story.
“Think about that – there’s nothing anybody in the world could ever teach me. I’m a human that can be taught. No one can teach me or give me a tool that will make that acceptable, ever!”
“So you take a lot of steps backward and when you do that, you notice, ‘Wow, I’ve been abusing my own art.’ For example, so it makes sense to people. So we make sense to people, and that’s why ghosts just sit back there with that look.”
He continued: “I don’t want to mention names but take an app, a social media app that we can share pictures on. And we do it, and in ways, it’s impersonal, in ways it’s personal. The ones that make it personal make it such a big deal. I don’t get it!”
“I have posted a photo of something that I was proud of, and then, unfortunately, about a week later, two weeks later, I hadn’t posted anything, and then my daughter passed. And basically, I was lost – I’m still lost.”
“Anyway, the hate started coming in, and the weird stuff, just the very weird stuff. And what’s weird about it to me is I get it, I understand it. What I don’t get is the time spent on it. That’s where the real communication starts with me.”
“When someone spends a lot of time on something to communicate something so bizarre that they think is factual, that really hurts me as a human. I almost want to meet that person, and I feel like I have a duty to understand the time involved.”
“I mean, it’s not what you’re saying. It’s the amount of effort you’re putting into it that’s so personal…”
“So, long story short, I basically didn’t post, and the hate starts coming in other ways. And I asked myself, ‘I wonder if the haters went to past posts prior to my daughter passing, and hate on me there about it.’ And sure enough, they did.”
“So, long story short, we all get this man, even the haters get it, that’s why it’s so confusing – we all get it, even the ones doing it. It’s very confusing so I’m not going to take a side, I’m not going to try to fix it because I’m not going to fix it.”
Check out ‘Psychosocial’ featuring Slipknot’s Clown:
Crahan went on to reveal that he “punished the entire community” by turning off the ability to comment on his social media.
He began: “It is confusing. I wish everyone would look at that, everybody’s getting it. It’s a digital bully. To bring it full circle, what I did was – I made a post, I more or less made a decision that if you’re gonna talk, and you’re not gonna talk the truth, and I have the ability to turn you off, I’m going to stop listening.”
“So I turned off the ability for anybody to comment, and I did that for one or two people, and I punished the entire community. And it took me about a year to figure that out.”
“That’s how much hate and anger, and just ugly working through grief, and looking through the internet, and all this stuff… Then it dawned on me, I was like, ‘Whoa!’ I don’t post every day to get the likes, I’m not gonna promote The Electric Theater the way people promote things because I don’t fucking care.”
“I’m here just to be here and that’s the truth. But I learned that I don’t post to get millions and millions of followers, I don’t post to get feedback.”
“I post to share my art, and my love, and the vibration I bring to the world. And I realize that the vibration that I bring to the world is a strong one.
He continued: “So it took me a year, a year and a half, two years to realise, ‘Wow, I pulled down communication between my community for one or two people that I still will consider a part of my community. Maybe they’re hurting.'”
“You want to have road rage? Maybe the guy’s in front of you, dad is in hospice, maybe he lost his child a month ago, maybe he was fighting for our country, maybe he’s got debt…”
“I don’t know, none of us know, that’s confusing – that we don’t know. I don’t want to talk about it because I’m not going to fix it, and neither will you. But we could suggest everyone think about it because it’s confusing.”
“So I’m getting ready to better myself by allowing more of you. And it hurts, it’s painful, The Electric Theater can be painful. Some of my closest friends text me, ‘Oh, it’s so nice to hear you talk.’ I’m like, ‘Screw you, don’t ever talk to me.'”
“So I’m just trying to better myself by allowing myself to give more of myself by acknowledging that I know I’m only trying to be me.”
“And I’m not gonna punish the community, and I don’t like that word punishing, I’m just being honest. It hurts the things that you read, and the things that people will post, especially the pictures.”
“Because they’re not just posting a picture of my daughter to me, they’re posting a picture of my daughter in jail. That’s not a good picture for someone hurting, someone that is having a bad day, someone obviously that needs love,” he concluded.
You can read more about this topic over at the Metal Observer.