The ’90s to early ’00s were a particularly dark time for pop music – an era where boy bands, girl groups and questionable stylist decisions ruled supreme – but now that we’re comfortably on the other side of that strange patch we’re able to realise (with a sprinkle of irony) that they were also pretty brilliant at the same time. Millennial pop music truly had it all.
While most of the population were being subjected to the likes of N*SYNC and an assembly line of permanently-smiling Disney stars, you might’ve wondered what the Church Of Scientology were jamming out to on their CD walkmans during this baffling transitional period of the human race.
Well, as it turns out, Scientologists didn’t miss out on the fun.
The Church actually had their very own kind of pop music much more gruesome and terrifying than the horrors of Nikki Webster’s ‘Strawberry Kisses’ – introducing Scientology’s very own teen pop band, Kids Of Today For A Better World.
Formed in 1992 at the Church of Scientology’s Celebrity Center in Hollywood, Kids Of Today For A Better World (known affectionately amongst fans as KOTFABW) consisted of a rotating roster of fresh-faced singing, dancing thetans teens until they were discontinued in 2012, as Vice reports. Out of nowhere a 12-year-old Britney Spears lookalike will hit you with a line like, “In time we’ll become the leaders of the brand new world“
In short, KOTFABW were essentially a real-life version of ‘Yvan eht Nioj’ by The Party Posse only controlled by L. Ron Hubbard rather than the US Navy.
Even though the group are now sadly defunct, their legacy now lives on in the form of low-res YouTube videos that we can laugh at until the end of time.
At first KOTFABW’s song could easily pass as an innocently terrible millennial-era pop music, but then out of nowhere a 12-year-old Britney Spears lookalike will hit you with a line like, “In time we’ll become the leaders of the brand new world” and things become incredibly suspect and you realise that there’s some next-level indoctrination going down behind all the groovy dancing and funky dance beats.
Other highlight moments from their back catalogue of hits include their Y2K anthem ‘Don’t Pass Me By’ with the line “When I decided to learn about you/I saw the world from a new point of view” which gets points for trying, and the very edgy ‘Vitamin R’ anti-drug song with the charming repeatedly cries of “No mercy for trouble boys“.
They’re the kind of musical messages that would no doubt be approved by the Church Of Scientology’s Australian president, Vicki Dunstan.
In a revealing Tone Deaf interview last year, Dunstan explained that “Scientology is the very thing that artists need… [As] many artists who use Scientology principles and follow its philosophy soon find that their ability to communicate rises and they are more free to explore their creative abilities.”
Check out a selection of Kids Of Today For A Better World’s indoctrinating messages greatest hits below for some hilarious viewing. Even if they don’t manage to convert you, they’re a religious experience in their own right.
